Here are some common feelings you may be experiencing. You are not alone!
A peek inside this post: Did you just drop your child off at college? Maybe you are trying to sort through all the emotions that come with it? Feeling emotional when your child leaves for college is completely normal. Let’s take a closer look at those emotions and remember that you are not alone!
If you have recently dropped your child off for college, whether it’s the first time or the 4th time, you’re probably experiencing a wide combination of feelings.
We don’t expect anything less!
If you are at this point in your parenting, then you see firsthand that parenting is a long game. There is no secret formula you can complete in a few days to make things go smoothly for both you and your child.
You may have found this article because the weight of dropping your child off to college feels too heavy to bear. Or maybe you are feeling excited about what is to come and wonder if anyone else feels that same giddiness!
Whatever brought you here, we know that this transition is huge.
The feelings you are feeling are valid.
Let’s take a closer look at some of those emotions you might be experiencing because honestly, they may be all jumbled up together and hard to distinguish.
What emotions do I feel after dropping off my kid at college?
This isn’t a one size fits all list, but rather a list of emotions I have felt or those close to me have felt during this time of transition.
01| Pride and Excitement
You have invested 2 decades of your life into this child! You are probably experiencing pride that she is moving on to her next steps of furthering her education.
No matter what lays ahead for your children (trade school, armed forces, furthering their education at college) it is a huge milestone. One to be celebrated with pride for all the hard work it took to get to this point.
It is also a time of excitement as your child will develop new friendships and personal growth.
Maybe you are just excited to be done with all the high school drama. Can I get an Amen?
Even with periods of pride and excitement you are also probably experiencing a time of grief.
02| Grieving the Separation
There is no question that you will grieve the physical separation between yourself and your child. You won’t see him in the morning to see how he slept or be able to make him potato soup after a long day of classes.
You miss the smaller moments that you have been watching since he was born.
You can tell by one look when he has a sore throat.
You can see the disappointment he tries to hide when something didn’t turn out the way he hoped.
It’s natural to miss those moments. There will be different ways to connect and honestly, you may have deeper and more frequent conversations after they move on but as far as the little details, they will be missed.
Part of the grief naturally comes from the nostalgia of the past.
03| Nostalgia of the past
Maybe you find yourself looking at pictures of your child growing up, remembering previous vacations or birthdays.
You can still hear his little voice telling you “I don’t want to take a deep bwef….” like it was yesterday.
You knew the days were long and the years were short but by golly, they were really short.
Or, you may find yourself thinking about what you wish you would have done differently as a parent. You see in hindsight that parenting your child in that specific way didn’t turn out the way you hoped.
It’s ok if that realization has led to wisdom to make changes in your future parenting decisions.
No matter what you find yourself reminiscing about, remember this, you did your best. We are all still learning and growing every single day.
04| Anxiety and worry
Whew. This emotion can easily consume you over all other emotions.
This is completely normal.
It makes sense to have fear and anxiety after dropping your child off at college. It’s a completely different routine than any of you are used to. New routines are hard.
Naturally you worry about your child’s safety and well being in this new environment.
Who is gonna give her that long big hug after a hard first day of classes?
You want your child to be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
You long for great friends who will love him well.
All things that are out of our control. Hence the worry.
In my experience, it has been accepting my lack of control and remembering that God is in control that has helped me in this transition.
In addition to understanding our feelings of anxiety and fear, we also need to take a look at what our new role looks like.
05| Confusion in figuring out your new role
What now? Maybe you are trying to figure out your new role in your child’s life. Naturally, you want them to come to you for advice, but also, you want your child to grow in his own decision making abilities.
That first phone call when she feels sick and wants you to help her feel better is SO hard. Maybe you think about using Door Dash to deliver all the things she might need (plus things she doesn’t) just to help take some of that burden away.
Then you may remember how you got sick when you were in college and your parents didn’t even know because you had to use a calling card to call home and ran out of minutes……
Determining your role in your college student’s life takes time and practice.
I have learned to do a lot of listening.
Also, I have been trying to not bring up the hard stuff. If he wants to talk about that, he will bring it up. No need to get him fired up about a difficult assignment if he is working through it on his own.
You find yourself transitioning from a daily support to a sideline cheerleader. You might feel tempted to make calls, send emails, and advocate for your child.
Your child needs these uncomfortable situations to learn to advocate and work through difficult things independently.
It’s hard, but it results in growth and maturity and that’s what we are working towards.
We can’t talk about kids moving out without talking about the freedom it might bring.
06| Freedom
Let’s face it, the freedom is pretty great, too.
No more staying up late because the track meet doesn’t get over until 11 p.m.
You can go to the bathroom in your pajamas because you know everyone else is in bed.
Your grocery budget is also probably experiencing some freedom as well. Those groceries last a good amount longer with one less person in the house.
Enjoy that freedom. It’s ok to laugh and notice the positives while still missing your daily conversations with your child.
Wrapping up: feeling emotional when child leaves for college
Now that we have talked through several different emotions you may feel (all at once) when dropping off your child at school, let’s remind ourselves of a few important things.
- Your feelings are valid. Maybe this post helped you to name a few.
- You still play an important role. It’s just less hands-on!
- God’s got you and God’s got your kid.
Stay tuned for future posts about how to connect with your college kid and how to pray for your college kid.
Also Read:
A Heart Change for Moms: Devotions on Intentional Motherhood
Top 5 Christian Parenting Tips & Ideas